What you should avoid if you want to have strong bonds with your child?
Divorce is never easy, it is even harder when you have a child or perhaps many children! To take care of them while still addressing to your emotions and needs is of utmost importance.
However, it is not impossible!
There are just three main things to avoid to keep your growing teenager a healthy child and free from the effects of divorce.
- DO NOT talk negatively about your spouse in front of them.
While you may be feeling very hurt or angry, and struggle to say anything good about your soon to be ex-spouse, remember they are still, and always will be, the mother or father of your children. Children feel torn and confused enough during divorce without having their parents views and opinions on one another to sort through. Teens will develop better when they are free to love and respect each parent based on their own experience of them.
- DO NOT use your child as a messenger or spy.
We have phones, postal services, couriers, email, and ultimately our mouths in order to communicate with other people. There is never a need for a teenager to pass on a verbal message from one parent to another.
Similarly if you have a question about what your spouse is or isn’t doing in their life you are free to ask them personally. If they don’t want to tell you then unfortunately that is an issue you will have to deal with. It is not an issue to involve your teen in. Putting your teenage child in a position where they feel as though they have to choose between each parent’s trust is unfair and often damaging.
- DO NOT use the child as a weapon.
The intense feelings of anger and hurt that often accompany divorce often generate within adults a desire for revenge or to teach their spouse a lesson. It can be very tempting to act on such impulses by manipulating their access to the kids.
You may not think your ex deserves to enjoy time with the kids, you may resent having to miss out on time with them yourself, or you may just want to know that they are suffering. Inhibiting access to kids is a sure way to make your point. However it is also a sure way to make things harder for your teen. Denying children the right to have a relationship with both parents hurts them as much as the parents
Written By,
Chris Hudson
My name is Chris Hudson. I’m a trainer, speaker, & coach, specializing in helping parents & adults connect with teenagers.
