What should be done to approach your child during a divorce?
No one aims to get a divorce at any point in time. However, when it happens, it happens. And it affects not only the parent but also the child. When such things happens, what should we do? And, what should we not do?
What should have been done?
- Look after yourself
What your teen needs a lot of during your divorce is their parents. Maintaining your own physical and mental well being is vitally important. Monitor yourself and your emotions closely during such a major change. If you observe you are struggling seek help from friends, a counsellor, or your local doctor.
- Continue to be a Parent
There are many people who can be friends with your teen, but there are only a couple of people who can be their parents. Continue to be a parent to your child rather than turning into a friend. Maintain expectations or your teenager in regards to manners, respect, household cooperation, and general conduct.
Both parents need to avoid trying to be the “santa claus” parent who spoils or requires less from their teen in an attempt to compensate for what is happening or compete for the young person’s affection. In the same way having a unified and consistent approach to discipline and mutually reinforcing appropriate behaviour provides teens the clear and protective boundaries they require.
- Maintaining Family Routines (as much as possible)
Try to ensure your teens not only have regular time with both parents, but that the weeks continue to have routine and structure. Regular meal times, after school activities, time for homework etc, all assist in reducing the stress of the change for teenagers. Having clear arrangements about times and places well in advance is important.
- Enable Wider Support Network
Extended families can also be affected by divorce. However research suggests that support from members of the extended family can have a significant impact in helping teens successfully navigate the path through divorce. If teens had good connections with grandparents of either side try to enable them to continue.
Encourage relationships with adult friends who can provide a mentoring type relationship with your teen. These people are not replacements for either parent, but merely a safe and supportive influence during a time of significant change.
- Promote Resilience
Resilience is the ability to successfully manage life and adapt to change and stressful events in healthy and constructive ways. If you are proactive in getting some help, accepting change, and moving on to build a new chapter in your life, your teen will learn how to be resilient and constructively adapt to major changes in their life.
Written By,
Chris Hudson
My name is Chris Hudson. I’m a trainer, speaker, & coach, specializing in helping parents & adults connect with teenagers.
